Joan Vassos might have a problem. She has been cast as the lead of The Golden Bachelorette, which premiered Wednesday. She’s beautiful, accomplished, and eloquent. Her story of love and loss is compelling; she was happily married for decades before her husband died of pancreatic cancer in 2021. She’s familiar to fans of the franchise for her endearing appearance on The Golden Bachelor last year, in which she left the show early to care for her daughter, who was struggling with postpartum depression.
Now, as the Golden Bachelorette, she gets another shot at finding love on television. But she might be damned from the start. None of the men vying for her hand live anywhere near Rockville, Maryland, where she resides, works as a school administrator, and has raised a family (that she clearly cares about!).
Of course, each of the 24 men who stepped out of the limo knows where Vassos lives but has decided to participate anyway. Perhaps they’re prepared to leave their own homes, their own families, their own lives to start something new with Vassos. But … perhaps they’re not.
On The Golden Bachelor, which ran last fall, leading man Gerry Turner, a septuagenarian from Indiana, found love with Jersey Shore native Theresa Nist. Turner proposed, Nist accepted, and the two married in a televised wedding spectacular in January. But then they just kept living in Indiana and New Jersey, respectively.
By April, TMZ reported, the two still weren’t living together because, well, uprooting decades’ worth of life for someone you’ve known for a few months is hard, particularly when there are grandchildren involved. “We’re told they’ve each got their own established homes in their respective states, and moving everything into one pad would be time-consuming,” TMZ explained. “Theresa’s still working in NJ and has yet to decide what she’s going to do about her job as a compliance officer. Also, Gerry and Theresa are super close to their own families, and our sources say moving away from either would be difficult for them.” Um, yeah!
Turner and Nist flirted with moving to neutral territory—Charleston, South Carolina—and starting life anew in the Palmetto State. But that vision never materialized. “We looked at homes in South Carolina, we considered New Jersey, and we just looked at homes after home, but we never got to the point where we made that decision,” Nist told ABC News when the pair went on Good Morning America to announce their Golden Divorce—or, as Slate editor-in-chief Hillary Frey put it, their breakup, because could you even really call it a marriage? This was entirely avoidable, if only they had had a difficult conversation before they tied the knot. After all, Turner eliminated Faith Martin because she made it to the final four and basically told him she wasn’t willing to move away from Washington state for him. Good for her, honestly. A similar conversation with Nist might have saved them both some trouble.
But that’s the problem with dating people who live thousands of miles away. Even if they’re willing to go on the show and explore love, they might not be willing to leave their homes and lives for a new beau—especially if they are people who share your values of putting family first, as many contestants on the show say they do. That was a big theme during the premiere of The Golden Bachelorette. One contestant was ushered out of the limo by his daughter, Bachelor alum Kelsey Anderson. Another gifted Vassos a onesie for her grandkid featuring a slice of pizza, a hot dog, and the words Chicago Style. (Chicago … nowhere near Rockville, Maryland!) There was even a very touching segment in which the contestants’ kids left them video messages—tears ensued. It’s clear that Vassos is into guys who find family important … but perhaps not important enough that they wouldn’t be willing to move away from their family to be with her?
She—and whoever selected her suitors—is clearly not seriously considering the logistical aftermath of the show. One contestant does live in Maryland, albeit a two-hour drive away, on the state’s Eastern Shore. That could be workable, but … he was eliminated on Night 1! No contestants reside in the D.C. area. The next closest suitor is near Philadelphia. In order for Vassos and one of these men to start a life together, someone will need to make a sacrifice, uproot their life, and move at least a couple of hours away, but more likely across the country. As someone who has moved to multiple unfamiliar states for a spouse’s career, I know that it’s a big sacrifice. But I also know it’s something far easier to do when you’re young, when you don’t have a house or an in-person job, when you don’t have children or decades and decades of inertia. What is the hair salon owner in Chicago supposed to do? Is the ER doctor willing to get a new job? What about the guy who co-parents his children with an ex? Is the guy whose listed job title is just “girl dad” going to be able to petition his bosses (his girls) to move their lives too?
As a contestant on The Golden Bachelor, Vassos garnered praise for her inability to compromise on the values she holds dear. She refused to put her pursuit of Turner ahead of her daughter’s need for love and comfort at a difficult time. During the premiere, one suitor told Vassos that he would have made the exact same decision. That’s awesome. But if the whole finding-another-husband thing is going to work for Vassos, what she might really want is someone who is willing to put her first, and his family second.
