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Kayla Kane doesn’t usually throw parties for herself.
The 27-year-old social media content creator says birthdays are usually lowkey. She tends to forget to celebrate life’s major milestones.
But after she went on a fantastic date that eventually led in her having sex for the first time in over a year, she felt like she had something worth commemorating. Kane and her friends decided to throw an “anti-celibacy” party to honor the moment.
An Instagram video from the occasion − which included a custom pink cake with the phrase “1 year celibacy” and an “X” over it, written in frosting − got more than 690,000 views. It also sparked plenty of supportive comments from people saying they’re now also inspired to celebrate “minor victories,” as Kane and her friends did.
“I personally have just been trying to put myself out there and experience things, and that was worth celebrating,” Kane says of the motivation behind her “anti-celibacy” party. “Something I love about this generation is just everybody is so unserious, and it brings so much more joy just back into little things and minor victories in life.”
How the ‘anti-celibacy’ party came to be
About two years ago, Kane went on a date with one of her co-workers, after one of their mutual friends revealed he was interested in her. It wasn’t great, she says, and neither of them reached out to each other afterward.
“It was a mutual ghost situation, and I effectively have scrubbed it from my memory,” Kane says.
But when Kane got a text from that same guy two weeks ago, saying he was in town for a family wedding and asking if she wanted to be his plus one, she couldn’t pass up the unique opportunity. After all, what other chance would she get to basically step into the plot of the 2005 rom-com “The Wedding Date?” If attending a wedding with a stranger worked out for Amy Adams’ character, why couldn’t it work out for her too?
“I was basically living ”The Wedding Date’ in real life,” Kane says. “I met all his family right away.”
The date went well, one thing led to another, and when she told her friends about it, they decided a party was in order.
“We put it together really last minute,” Kane says. “A couple of my girlfriends came over. We sat, spilled the tea, drank some cosmos, of course, and relived my ‘Sex and the City’ dreams basically.”
The party didn’t just center on Kane either − she says her friends also got to share and commiserate about their own romantic lives as well. The whole event, Kane says, was about “encouraging new experiences, encouraging open-mindedness as well and just opening yourself up to saying yes to the world sometimes.”
The best part of the party, Kane says, was taking videos and photos to solidify it in her memory. She was nervous to post about it but has been relieved to see it resonate with so many people, particularly women. She also wants to be clear her party wasn’t intended to disparage anyone who’s celibate; it’s instead about finding more opportunities for celebration in life.
“I was just like, ‘You know what? I think that this will inspire other people to just again, find some more joy in those little things,'” Kane says. “It was received way better than I thought it would be.”
Celebrations matter more than you might think
There are a few reasons why Kane thinks her video has resonated so much.
For starters, she says, thanks to social media and technology, our world has become increasingly fast-paced. Rarely, she says, do people stop and take a moment to appreciate life as it’s happening.
“It’s just such a ‘go go’ atmosphere that people rarely leave time to take a moment for these little things that do matter,” she says. “And, if you’re not celebrating the big things, then you’re definitely not celebrating the small things.”
Psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis says there’s nothing wrong with throwing an anti-celibacy − or any − party for yourself, so long as it’s something you genuinely want to do. Making more space for joy in our lives, she says, is essential to mental wellbeing.
“Sometimes we look at fun and joy with suspicion, and I think we need to change our attitude about that,” Sarkis says. “This idea that, ‘If I have fun or it’s frivolous, something bad is going to happen to me.’ And you can have fun for no other reason than to just enjoy yourself. And that’s OK.”
Thankfully, Kane says, her date found the party hilarious and hasn’t minded the attention it’s received online. As for where he and Kane stand now, she says they’ve continued to stay in touch. He lives in another state, but he texted her 20 minutes before this interview asking if she might be able to find herself in his city next week.
In the meantime, Kane plans to find other ways to celebrate more minor victories.
“I was just talking to one of my friends who came to my party today about throwing one for her, because she just found out that she’s not pregnant. Yay!” Kane says. “She sent me a picture of a pregnancy test yesterday, and I was like, we need to throw a party for this. … So I think I’m going to throw her a, ‘Surprise! It’s not a (baby)!'”
