CHICAGO – The White Sox recently lost their 120th game of the season, tying the 1962 New York Mets’ record for most losses by a team in a season since 1900, making them above and beyond the worst team in the league this year.
Despite this momentously horrible season, the White Sucks managed to squeak out a rare win this afternoon during an exhibition game against the Chicago Suburban Youth Baseball Association’s kindergarten affiliate, the Hummingbirds, 3-1.
“At this point, we’re just looking for a shred of motivation to show up to the park each day,” said White Sox Interim Manager Grady Sizemore. “I’m not sure there’s any dignity in beating a group of school kids, but a win’s a win.”
Despite the victory, fans were not impressed with the team’s lack of ability to score more than three runs against a group of t-ballers, some of whom spent most of their team’s defensive time laying down in the outfield watching clouds and singing the theme song to Bluey.
“Look, I’m thrilled they got a W under their belt, but let’s not overlook the fact they also gave up a run against those booger eaters,” said Dana Smith, a sports reporter for Chicago Sun-Times. “If I were them, I wouldn’t show up for the remainder of the season.”
With only six games left to go in the season, the fans who didn’t hop on a train to root for the less terrible Chicago Cubs (80-76) are actually cheering for the team to throw the rest of the season to claim the number one spot on the list of worst teams since the league’s consolidation.
“Look, we’re not going to the post season, but we can still make it out of this shit show in the record books,” said Chad Lorenzo, a construction worker and life-long Sox fan. “Can you imaging being this bad and not taking the crown for worst team, ever?”
If there’s any silver lining for fans who aren’t eager about being crowned the worst team in the league, it’s this: as it stands, it’s mathematically impossible for the White Sox to do worse than the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, who own the worst record of all time at 20-134.
The White Sox have the opportunity to clinch the worst team title in front of a miniscule home crowd tomorrow night at 7:40 against the Los Angeles Angels.
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